4 steps to getting to know me better
_just me_
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8:30 PM
YO!!! i'm in a super good mood today for some reason...haha...no idea why. bleah...spent almost the past days studying maths~! almost needed some1 to do cpr on me. So i got tingz to help me haha. She's super good ya know? I can spend hours pondering over something i dun understand. Then she just point here point there...draw here draw there abit...then i could get it within 15 mins...can't blame her...shes the maths whiz ya knoe? I was shocked to see only 1 person frm my class whos online jus now. I assume the others are all studying maths!!! OH no...i'm feeling guilty.haha. Been feelin' a lil down this week...talked to muffin abt it.Muffin said maybe its due to the stress. She says i get a hell lot more snappy when i'm stressed out. You knoe who's the next potential hypertension workaholic??? the answer is me...haha. It sometimes puzzles me why i can't seem to take things easily...esp my studies. I get stressed out very very easily. That explains the white hair on my head. From what i figured, i guess it's because of my desire to do well in my studies. N when i want it...i go all the way out to get it. I mean it's only natural to do so right? Ya knoe what? Maybe i try to hard..*shrugs*. am i really?? Some1 once told me... without the stress...i'll do much better...n till now...i'm still fighting this stress thing. Well, i just hope 1 day i'll fight this inner battle n bring out the best in maself! reminds me off this health skit i once watched about hypertension brought to us by catholic high i think. They had situations where certains characters' stress level was measured n how they eventually all died when the stress level got too high. They even had this thing to measure the stress level! which was precisely why they won haha. Read a beautiful fanfiction abt titled Sunset on Winglin lately. It was mentioned in the story that if u look at the sunset...u would actually find the answers to your questions. I loved the way she described the sunset. Well i don't really know if this theory would work or not so don't come complaining to me if u can't find ur answers k. All i know is that the sunset is a really beautiful thing...so beautiful that all the negative thoughts just dissapear n it just makes u feel so much better after a bad day! Maybe we can really find answers to our questions then...thats if we remove all negative thoughts...
11:26 PM
Well, i just decided to drop by while waiting for my friend to send me the java files so that i can start studying for my lab test. Judging on the amount of work that i have to do, i'm prying my eyes open now so that i woun't fall asleep later on. Again i've been having really strange dreams for the past two days...i dreamt of something that happened to me on V Day itself...but i'm not gonna spell it all out for you cos it really sounds ridiculous!! Maybe wierd dreams come along with stress for me haha. Ma fren said something that made me talk to her in a tone i seldom use unless i'm really pissed. Yeah..i might give pple the impression that i'm not 1 who usually voice out my unhappiness in public...but that dosen't mean that i like pple to verbally attack me either!! Whatever it is...it kinda felt better to shoot back...so i left it where it ended haha.
11:50 PM
11:50 PM
phoo...had this really bad dream last night. I dreamt of this malay pontianak..luckily i didn't get to see the face...i would have been scared to hell. Can't remember much of this dream except the pontianak part..surprisingly, this dream felt familiar..not that I've seen a real pontianak b4(cross my fingers) it's like i've had the same dream a few months back. Met a teacher 3 years back in 2002 who had this ability to have futeristic dreams. She kinda already knew me when before i even came to her cos i appeared in her dreams. She even predicted ma o level score...and it was eerily close to ma o level score...Wierd huh?? even i myself find it hard to believe haha. Da drove me to Jalan Kayu to get prata for the rest of the family. I'm seriously looking forward to the day I get ma driving license...then I'LL be the 1 driving to jalan kayu. Both ma parents are already drivers themselves so it's only left with me. =)
11:38 AM
I still can't get over the fact that tmr is a sunday....Arrgghh...ma term break is ending soon!!! Maybe we shouldn't really consider this a term break cos i had to squeeze in time in between to study for the dumbo common test!!! I almost died while trying to figure out the trigo part on substitution...luckily, ting came over n helped me out with it. Still got my lab test running hot at my heels! Yuck!!! Chinese new year this year wasn't complete cos ma gramps n a few of ma uncles went on a trip to aussie...it's wierd how my grandaunt always say the same thing every year when i visit them. They say i look a hell lot like ma mommy when she was younger....duh!! ma mom n dad didn't pick me up frm the dustbin ya knoe...of course there'll be sum resemblence between the mom n the child rite? hahaha..was supossed to go over to ma aunts place for visitin again...but i told ma mom i didn't wanna go cos i had loads of stuff to do...n they're still NOT DONE....i'm just too lazy to get down to work. Lately, i've been feeling tired of this life....tired of being who i am...tired of reflecting on my mistakes n trying to become a better person...tired of trying to find out all the answers that i missing. The wierd thing is that i'm neither sad or depressed...i'm just...well...tired...i've no idea why either. Maybe going overseas would be exactly what i need right now. Be it australia, UK or whatsoever. I guess i just need time on ma own ya knoe...maybe when i come back 2 to 3 years time, i'll be able to find answers to ma questions n be a more matured/changed person.
6:36 PM
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